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*IMPORTANT* - The MarisOnline Staff does
not want you to shoot yourself in the foot. The following article
is merely pointing out the red-tape that various offices around Marist put up to make things that much harder to do. The whole "shooting
yourself in the foot" thing comes from an article floating around the internet telling you how to shoot yourself in the foot with
different programming languages. Yeah, it's geek, but we think you'll find this somewhat amusing.
Add-Drop - Obtain the necessary Shoot-Authorization form from your advisor. Get the Dean of Firearms to sign it and bring it to the Add-Drop line. Upon validating the form, you will be handed the forms which authorize the registrar to shoot you in the foot. Housing- Upon paying the necessary "limb disposal" fee, you can shoot yourself in the foot, but only after waiting a week for the paperwork to clear. Student Accounts - You cannot shoot yourself in the foot because you are not on the "shoot footing" payment plan. Dining Hall - Shoot yourself in the foot, and then get yelled at by Roz for not also shooting yourself in the arm and hand. Also, make sure you put your gun in the blue liquid. Computer Store - Read the "Shoot yourself in the Foot 2000" book that came with your gun, then wait 5 weeks for the student workers to show up, who will shoot you in the foot. If your gun blinks green and then yellow, it means that it has not yet been initialized on the Marist Network, so you will have to write down its serial number and bring it back to the computer store, where after the server's logs turn over, you will be able to shoot yourself in the foot. Copy Center - Drop off foot and job form at desk. Ask when foot will be shot. Arrive two days later to find that the gun is broken and the closest thing they can do is poke you in the eye. Cabaret - Ask a worker to shoot you in the foot. They will then give you a hand that has been shot about 5 hours ago, and tell you that it's close enough. Student Activities - You cannot shoot yourself in the foot unless it is a club activity. After you obtain the necessary permissions to shoot yourself in the foot, you have to fill out an Event Evaluation form, detailing how many people attended the shooting of your foot. When you ask them how to shoot yourself in the foot, they'll make you chairman of the "shooting yourself in the foot commitee" HELP Desk - Dial 575-FOOT. They will give you a service number, and let you know that they have to get in touch with the Department Of Foot Shootings, who will be in later this week. Student Government Association - Listen to somebody tell you about how Marist is on the forefront of foot-shooting technology, and we are in a joint-partnership with several other foot-shooting organizations that will lead us into the new millennium. Mailroom - You get a yellow piece of paper in your mailbox telling you to shoot yourself in the foot, but you can only shoot yourself in the foot between the hours of 9 and 5 on weekdays. Housekeeping - Housekeeping will not shoot you in the foot. That's something that maintenance takes care of. Maintenance - Maintenance doesn't do that sort of thing. You'll have to give housekeeping a call. | ||