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Ah, finally back to school. Your parents finally left, after mom wasted twenty minutes crying and saying goodbye to her baby. You finally got your bed where you want it, the TV in just the right place at just the right angle, when suddenly, the furniture is moving. Dont worry, your not still drunk from that last party back home, it's just the new roommate.
Odds are, if youre taking on a new roommate, youll be bending over backwards to get along with him (or her, but thats the last time. You can infer yourself.). Especially if you both are new students. At first, youll try doing everything together. Going to seminars, hanging out with the same people, even eating dinner together. Trust me on this one, it's not going to last. I've had the roommate from hell already, and oh, we get along for all of 2 weeks. It all will end, and end quick.
The first thing you will notice is that your roommate smells. Something about him. His cologne, or that he hasn't showered, or that hes just a beast with a horrible stench about him. And if you don't notice any smell, then its you thats the smelly beast. Part of this, in normal situations, is simply that people have different tastes... and smells. But there definitely is a difference between a difference in taste and a dude that smells like some decaying corpse in an alley that died from choking on its vomit at McCoys last weekend. In this case, you can either drop subtle (or not so subtle) hints, such as, "Man, what died on your side of the room?" Or just start spraying the Lysol whenever he enters the room. Either way, something needs to be done.
If you're lucky, your roommate will be cool enough to make his own friends and leave yours alone, yet loser enough to not have a girlfriend (or boyfriend, see above statement). But if your roommate does have a girlfriend, and is an ass about it (like has her over giggling all the time when your trying to sleep), then step up to the plate and say something. Be rude, go ahead. It will only get worse.
Odds are, unless you and the roomie are more than roommates, you two will go to bed at different times. Which is cool, just whoever is up later needs to show some common courtesy. Plug in your headphones, and turn off the big over head light (desk lamps are ok), maybe even turn down the brightness of your computer monitor. And for the love of God, turn your cell phone on vibrate. Unless youre a complete ass, dont go planning parties during the week without telling your roommate. But if you are, then why are you reading this anyway, ass.
Now, let me point something else out. Unless you two are really good friends, and the "what's yours is mine" has been established, leave his stuff alone. Just because he didn't say, "Yo, where the hell is the 7th can of Code Red?" doesn't mean he doesn't know that your caffeine yearning ass drank it while he was out last night. He knows, and so do all his friends. Now, about 6 people on campus know you as Chris, the computer savvy roommate, stealer of the Code Red.
Y'know, you and your roommate aren't going to have everything in common, and if you did, then that'd just be creepy. But don't let something dumb like his love the loser Jets turn into one of 10 reasons to hate your roommate. Let something good, like his shedding bodily fluids in the carpet, take place on that list. After all, a roommate can be a source of emergency caffeine, a good laugh, and even -- dare I say -- a friend. But, he can also be a smelly pain in the ass that keeps eating your Cheez-Its. And if it comes to the Cheez-Its, then just declare war. Because thats what college is all about. The Cheez-Its.

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1^st Edition

Roommates 2: Revenge

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	Ah, finally back to school. Your parents finally left, after mom wasted twenty minutes crying and saying goodbye to her baby. You finally got your bed where you want it, the TV in just the right place at just the right angle, when suddenly, the furniture is moving. Dont worry, your not still drunk from that last party back home, it's just the new roommate. Odds are, if youre taking on a new roommate, youll be bending over backwards to get along with him (or her, but thats the last time. You can infer yourself.). Especially if you both are new students. At first, youll try doing everything together. Going to seminars, hanging out with the same people, even eating dinner together. Trust me on this one, it's not going to last. I've had the roommate from hell already, and oh, we get along for all of 2 weeks. It all will end, and end quick. The first thing you will notice is that your roommate smells. Something about him. His cologne, or that he hasn't showered, or that hes just a beast with a horrible stench about him. And if you don't notice any smell, then its you thats the smelly beast. Part of this, in normal situations, is simply that people have different tastes... and smells. But there definitely is a difference between a difference in taste and a dude that smells like some decaying corpse in an alley that died from choking on its vomit at McCoys last weekend. In this case, you can either drop subtle (or not so subtle) hints, such as, "Man, what died on your side of the room?" Or just start spraying the Lysol whenever he enters the room. Either way, something needs to be done. If you're lucky, your roommate will be cool enough to make his own friends and leave yours alone, yet loser enough to not have a girlfriend (or boyfriend, see above statement). But if your roommate does have a girlfriend, and is an ass about it (like has her over giggling all the time when your trying to sleep), then step up to the plate and say something. Be rude, go ahead. It will only get worse. Odds are, unless you and the roomie are more than roommates, you two will go to bed at different times. Which is cool, just whoever is up later needs to show some common courtesy. Plug in your headphones, and turn off the big over head light (desk lamps are ok), maybe even turn down the brightness of your computer monitor. And for the love of God, turn your cell phone on vibrate. Unless youre a complete ass, dont go planning parties during the week without telling your roommate. But if you are, then why are you reading this anyway, ass. Now, let me point something else out. Unless you two are really good friends, and the "what's yours is mine" has been established, leave his stuff alone. Just because he didn't say, "Yo, where the hell is the 7th can of Code Red?" doesn't mean he doesn't know that your caffeine yearning ass drank it while he was out last night. He knows, and so do all his friends. Now, about 6 people on campus know you as Chris, the computer savvy roommate, stealer of the Code Red. Y'know, you and your roommate aren't going to have everything in common, and if you did, then that'd just be creepy. But don't let something dumb like his love the loser Jets turn into one of 10 reasons to hate your roommate. Let something good, like his shedding bodily fluids in the carpet, take place on that list. After all, a roommate can be a source of emergency caffeine, a good laugh, and even -- dare I say -- a friend. But, he can also be a smelly pain in the ass that keeps eating your Cheez-Its. And if it comes to the Cheez-Its, then just declare war. Because thats what college is all about. The Cheez-Its.
1^st Edition
Roommates 2: Revenge