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Marist is a very diverse campus. There are not two bathrooms on campus that look alike. Call it a feature, a design flaw or just some architects having fun... Marist bathrooms are almost as unique as the students who ultimatly use them. Of course, this piece will only cover the male half of this phenomonon, but if you've got some insight into their feminine counterparts, drop us a line... we'd love to compare. Dyson The bathrooms have weird shapes to them. The most threatening part about this beast are the urinals. They are about the size of a small dog, and are NEVER the right height. There are five urinals here. Four are of sub-average height, and one is about 5 inches from the ground. This was probably designed for children and/or the height impaired, but that still doesn't explain why it's located in the middle instead of on and end. Sinks are very nice, pleasant layout, lots of soap, a healthy supply of paper towels, and average stall space. Urinal height aside, this is a standard bathroom. Nothing worth writing home about. Layout - C+ Smell - A- Floor Space - B Color Scheme - C+ Bizarre Features - B- Accessability - A Awkward Factor - F Lowell Thomas Long known for its achievements in the communications and technological advances, it only makes sense that it should be a pinnacle of porcelain achievement. However, there are only two bathrooms per sex in this communications monument. This lends its hand to a share of awkwardness, as on more than one occasion, I have had to stand next to my calculus teacher in one of life's lesser moments. As far as urinal layout goes, they are spaced nicely, and at a good height. They are even blessed with Tommorrow-land auto-flush valves. It's like the urinal is saying "hey... don't worry... I'll take care of this one!" The addition of a shelf behind the urinals adds a nice touch. Plenty of towels, the good-smelling soap in bountiful quantities, and a nice maze from the hallway to the actual bathroom to keep prying eyes out. It's the little things that count here. However, one major design flaw is that the urinals are facing the entrance... so if you're walking in, you're gonna be looking eye to eye to a man who is trying to urinate. That kind of thing just freaks us out. Layout - A Smell - B+ Floor Space - B Color Scheme - A- Bizarre Features - B- Accessability - D- Awkward Factor - C- Donnelly (main) There are a couple of bathrooms in Donnely. Some are stranger than others... some are just downright confusing. If you walk in the main entrance and hang a right on the top level and keep walking for about thirty seconds, you'll hit the bathroom area. The first bathroom is designated for students... but that's only a suggestion. There is an eerie amount of floor space located between the hallway divider and the urinals. Enough room for a Twister mat... kinda makes you think. There are a good number of outlets here, but what sets this bathroom apart from the rest on campus is the stall that looks like a shower. There are two stalls on each side, and one has a shower curtain hanging in front of it. This is for handicapped people... but it is a shower stall. We wouldn't be the least bit surprised to see some guy with a brush and a head full of lather asking "you guys seen my towel?" leaning out. Hey... enough strange things happen here. There are only hand dryers in here, which kind of bothers us. You've got people touching that button... you don't know where they've been. I don't care if I kill a tree... Trees don't have sh*t on their hands. If any of you end up being bathroom designers, keep us in mind. Layout - C+ Smell - C- Floor Space - A+ Color Scheme - B- Bizarre Features - B Accessability - C+ Awkward Factor - B Donnelly (secret) If you go down the hallway right next to this bathroom, you'll find the top-secret bathroom. Why it's hidden... we have an idea. Email if you really want to know. Anyway, this bathroom is noticably smaller than the main bathroom, containing only two stalls, two urinals, and two sinks. Nothing special here, except for the chin-up bar. You gotta admire that. There isn't really any reason to go here unless you really need your privacy. While in the area, you might want to take a peek into the women's room. For some reason, they have a lounge in there. There are chairs, magazines... and a lounge band on weekends. What do we get? A coat rack. Thanks. Layout - C- Smell - B Floor Space - D Color Scheme - B Bizarre Features - B Accessability - D- Awkward Factor - D Library First thing you think of when you walk in... basketball court. We have a 19.6 million dollar library... all new equipment, brand new computers, but they stole your grandmother's bathroom tile and arranged them in some sort of retarded checkerboard pattern. Plenty of room. This is about the size of four freshmen dorms. Two stalls, but they are large enough to hold several people if you're into that sort of thing. Nice stalls, good spacing, excellent layout. I could spend hours in here... matter of fact, guess where we're typing this. Sure... our common area has a 2 foot hole in the ceiling that shows no sign of getting fixed, but the library bathroom has enough room to land a Harrier Jet. One tragic downfall of this bathroom is the deadly echo. Keep in mind you're in a library, which doesn't help the situation. I could go into detail, but we're mature adults here. Layout - A+ Smell - A- Floor Space - A+ Color Scheme - D- Bizarre Features - B Accessability - B- Awkward Factor - A Student Center (housing wing) This is the Caddilac of bathrooms. Plenty of space, nicely divided, and you're far enough away from anywhere else on campus that it really doesn't matter what noises you make. (Let's hear it for chicken patties) There is a little heater behind the door... we're not sure what good a 2' x 1' heater can do, but we appreciate the effort. A little darker than most bathrooms we've seen, but we must admit, we found it very relaxing. (*shrug*) Adequate sink space considing how far out of the way this place is. Layout - A Smell - A Floor Space - C+ Color Scheme - B Bizarre Features - C+ Accessability - D Awkward Factor - A Student Center (near Cabaret) Walk into this bathroom and first off, you'll probably say "what the hell... it's really dark in here!" Then suddenly, the lights turn themseves on. Marist Magic we like to call it. For a real good time, walk slowly and try bring your night vision goggles. Nothing really special here. There's a mirror that comes off of the wall so you can stare at your feet. This is your no-frills bathroom... Layout - B Smell - A- Floor Space - C- Color Scheme - B Bizarre Features - A Accessability - A Awkward Factor - B Student Center (basement) Nobody goes down here. Right now, only the music department and mail office is down here, and the mail office will be moved upstairs sometime soon. The tiles are all avacado green, it's pretty cramped, the door is broken, has a giant hole in it, and usually smells pretty funky. Our one main complaint is that the urinals are right up against the walls. This makes for some very difficult navigation, and if god forbid there's another person in there at the same time, you're gonna be do-see-doing with a total stranger. The only reason we can see to go here is that is REALLY out of the way, and you can use it for as long as you want without fear of interference... what you do is your own damn business. Layout - F Smell - D Floor Space - D Color Scheme - C- Bizarre Features - C- Accessability - C Awkward Factor - A- Fontaine You gotta give this bathroom one thing... it's clean. It's still plauged by library/grandma's house tile. Maybe Marist is light years ahead of the rest of us and we'll start seeing this color pop up in movies and rap videos soon... who knows. Anyway, they had the good sense to space the urinals far enough apart as to provide enough room, AND give us dividers! You gotta admire that. Layout could be a little better, as it is very easy to see in from the outside... some of us might find that a little bit disconcerting. Not much in floor space, but hey, it's a bathroom, not a rumpus room. Layout - C Smell - A- Floor Space - B Color Scheme - C- Bizarre Features - B+ Accessability - A- Awkward Factor - B- Want to write the woman's equivilant of this article? We'd love to hear from you! (dirty old men and perverted youths looking for a reason to hang out in ladies rooms need not apply) Drop a line to cbp@maristonline.com and we'll give you the specifics.